Murphy's technology laws
Logic is a systematic method of coming to the wrong conclusion with confidence.
Whenever a system becomes completely defined, some damn fool discovers something which either abolishes the system or expands it beyond recognition.
Technology is dominated by those who manage what they do not understand.
If builders built buildings the way programmers wrote programs, then the first woodpecker that came along would destroy civilization.
The opulence of the front office decor varies inversely with the fundamental solvency of the firm.
The attention span of a computer is only as long as it electrical cord.
An expert is one who knows more and more about less and less until he knows absolutely everything about nothing.
The first myth of management is that it exists.
A failure will not appear till a unit has passed final inspection.
New systems generate new problems.
To err is human, but to really foul things up requires a computer.
A computer makes as many mistakes in two seconds as 20 men working 20 years make.
The primary function of the design engineer is to make things difficult for the fabricator and impossible for the serviceman.
Any circuit design must contain at least one part which is obsolete, two parts which are unobtainable and three parts which are still under development.
A complex system that works is invariably found to have evolved from a simple system that works.
If mathematically you end up with the incorrect answer, try multiplying by the page number.
Under the most rigorously controlled conditions of pressure, temperature, volume, humidity, and other variables the organism will do as it damn well pleases.
In designing any type of construction, no overall dimension can be totaled correctly after 4:30 p.m. on Friday. The correct total will become self-evident at 8:15 a.m. on Monday.
If an experiment works, something has gone wrong.
When all else fails, read the instructions.
If there is a possibility of several things going wrong the one that will cause the most damage will be the one to go wrong.
Any instrument when dropped will roll into the least accessible corner.
Any simple theory will be worded in the most complicated way.
A difficult task will be halted near completion by one tiny, previously insignificant detail.
If something breaks, and it stops you from doing something, it will be fixed when you:
1. no longer need it
2. are in the middle of something else
3. don't want it to be fixed, because you really don't want to do what you were supposed to do
Each profession talks to itself in it's own language, apparently there is no Rosetta Stone
It is never wise to let a piece of electronic equipment know that you are in a hurry.
Don't fix something that ain't broke, 'cause you'll break it and you still can't fix it
If you are not thoroughly confused, you have not been thoroughly informed.
A screw will never fit a nut.
Standard parts are not.
When working on a motor vehicle engine, any tool dropped will land directly under the center of the engine.
Interchangeable tapes won't.
Never trust modern technology. Trust it only when it is old technology.
The bolt that is in the most awkward place will always be the one with the tightest thread.
The most ominous phrase in science: "_Uh_-oh . . ."
The 2nd worst thing you can hear the tech say is "Oops!" The worst thing you can hear the tech say is "oh s**t!"
Any example of hardware/software can be made fool-proof. It cannot, however, be made damn-fool-proof.
for any given software, the moment you manage to master it, a new version of that software appears.
Yakko's addition:
The new version always manages to change the one feature you need most.
Measurements will be quoted in the least practical unit; velocity, for example, will be measured in 'furlongs-per-fortnight'.
In electronics repair the part with the highest failure rate will always be located in the least accessible area of the equipment.
Multi-million pound technology is worthless in the hands of morons.
The rule of Protection:
If you install a 50’ fuse to protect a 100$ component, the 100$ component will blow to protect the 50’ fuse.
High tech man-year = 730 people trying to finish a project before lunch.
An expert will always state the obvious.
The chance a copy machine will brake down is proportional to the importance of the material that needs to be copied and inversely proportional to the amount of time till the material will be needed.
The probability any machine breaks down increases with the importance of expected visit.
if it works in theory, it won't work in practice.
if it works in practice it won't work in theory.
Research Law:
No matter how clever and complete your research is, there is always someone who knows more.
Somers' Law of Repair:
No part ever fails where you can reach it, or where there is enough light to see how to replace it.
Any wire cut to length will be too short.
When you finally update to a new technology, is when everyone stops supporting it.
All impossible failures, will happen at the test site.
Corollary: All impossible failures will happen on the clients desktop
The more you want to contact someone over an instant messenger is inversely proportional to the chances that they will be online.
The more important your email is, the worse your email client will screw it up.
A device having an indestructible component or is user serviceable is deemed unsafe until it's replaced by an expensive, unobtainable, inefficient component which needs constant servicing.
Assaf's Laws of Replacement Parts
o A failed 25’ part cannot be replaced by a new 25’ part, but by a sub-assembly whose cost is equal to or greater than that of the device in need of the part
o The cost and availability of a replacement part are in inverse proportion to the cost of the whole system: a $1500 device will fail because of the burnout of a 25’ capacitor. But the 25’ capacitor is either
no longer manufactured
manufactured only by a company in Outer Mongolia with an 18-month backlog
available only as part of a $1450 sub-assembly
All things mechanical/electrical will catastrophically fail after the guarantee has expired, unless an extended guarantee has been purchased.
First Law of Linear Equations:
Given any system n linear equations, there will be n+1 unknowns
The disappearance of a nagging error in a system is explicable only in terms of insignificant contribution of the source to that system  | 
Linear Mode
